Over the past month, we’ve had countless conversations with fellow leaders and clients about the invisible tension surrounding feedback. It’s not just the fear of giving tough input or the dread of receiving criticism; often, our walls are up even before a word is spoken. That first feeling, that instant thought of being ‘wrong,’ can make us defensive at the mere idea of feedback. When both the giver—uncomfortable and worried about conflict—and the receiver—already braced for impact—walk into that conversation, it often feels less like communication and more like two sets of walls just clashing. This always takes me back to a time several years ago, when I wrestled with my own feedback fears.

I remember vividly a meeting with my manager that left me feeling anxious and defensive. My manager’s well-intentioned critique felt like a personal attack, and I honestly struggled to see the growth opportunity it truly presented. It was only later, after reflecting deeply and seeking guidance from an executive coach, that I realized feedback wasn’t a personal judgment to be feared, but a powerful tool for our growth and a catalyst for unlocking potential—that I needed to lean in to understand more, and that I needed to believe my boss was actually trying to help me before my walls could come down. And lowering those walls, well that changed everything in our relationship. His walls came down too, and we were able to learn and grow together.

This profound realization sparked my passion for mastering the art of feedback. I began to view it as a two-way street—a courageous conversation that, when approached with openness and empathy, could lead to profound personal and professional development for all of us.

In this series, I want to share the authentic strategies and insights we’ve gathered on this journey. By embracing constructive feedback, we can transform our workplaces into environments where growth isn’t just possible, but inevitable. Let’s dive in and explore how we can turn feedback from a source of anxiety into a genuine catalyst for collective success.

Giving Constructive Feedback: The Foundation of Growth

Feedback shapes how we work, learn, and grow together. Whether we’re sharing thoughts with a teammate or hearing input about our own efforts, these moments influence how we develop and connect as a group. Mastering both sides of feedback—giving and receiving—opens doors for ongoing improvement and lays the groundwork for strong leadership.

Honestly, most of us walk into feedback conversations with a bit of dread or at least some uncertainty. It’s tough to know how to offer constructive criticism without hurting feelings, or how to hear tough input without getting defensive. But here’s the thing: feedback skills aren’t some mystical talent. We can learn and polish them with practice and a little awareness. When we put in that effort, we end up building workplaces where growth feels possible for everyone. The way we handle these exchanges really does impact how we lead and work together. By digging into practical ways to both give and receive feedback, we can strengthen relationships and speed up our own growth. The strategies here aim to spark honest conversations that drive positive change, all while keeping trust alive.

Giving feedback well can totally change work relationships and boost performance. To get there, we need to move away from criticism and into coaching, treat feedback as a genuine opportunity, stay humble, and use some tried-and-true communication tricks.

Shift From Critique To Coaching For Success

When we put on our coaching hat instead of our critic hat, feedback conversations get a lot more productive. Suddenly, we’re not just pointing out what’s wrong—we’re helping someone figure out how to grow. Coaching-focused feedback is all about helping others find solutions for themselves. Instead of, “You did this wrong,” we might ask, “What could work better next time?”. People pick up on our intentions. If they feel we’re rooting for them, they’re way more likely to listen and respond. It’s better to talk about what could be, not just what was. Focusing on future strategies helps everyone move forward. Active listening matters here. We really need to hear their side before jumping in with our own ideas. And it helps to set goals together. If we can agree on what needs to improve and how to get there, the feedback sticks.

Frame Feedback As A Gift For Growth

Changing how people see feedback makes a huge difference. If we present it as a gift—a chance to get better—folks are less likely to shut down. Growth-oriented language sets the tone. Try, “I’ve got some thoughts that might help you shine,” instead of, “We need to talk about your issues”. Every bit of feedback is a shot at getting better. That’s the real value. Picking the right moment matters too. If someone’s already stressed or distracted, our message won’t land. It’s smart to highlight strengths before moving to growth areas. That way, people feel seen for their whole contribution, not just their misses. Specific examples are key. Vague feedback doesn’t help anyone, but real-life moments give people something solid to work with.

Embody Humility And An Outward Mindset

Humility changes the whole vibe. Instead of coming off as the expert, we show up as a partner on the journey. Sometimes it helps to admit our own mistakes or learning curves. That kind of honesty builds connection and reminds everyone that growth never stops. Curiosity beats certainty every time. Asking real questions about their perspective shows respect and keeps us from jumping to conclusions. When we’re truly focused on their success—not just protecting our own turf—it comes through in how we talk and listen. We should steer clear of defensive language. Instead of, “You need to get this,” maybe try, “I wonder if this might help”. Staying humble also means welcoming their feedback about us or the situation. That back-and-forth can only make things better.

Provide Actionable Tips For Constructive Delivery

We’ve talked about the right mindset for giving feedback, but what do we actually say? This is where we get into the practical tools for giving constructive feedback that connects, not just corrects. A few simple, proven models can go a long way in turning a tough conversation into a genuine moment of growth.

Giving useful feedback isn’t just about what we say—it’s about how we say it. A few practical tools go a long way. The SBI model (Situation-Behavior-Impact) keeps things clear:

• Situation: Pinpoint when and where it happened
• Behavior: Describe exactly what they did (just the facts)
• Impact: Explain how it affected things or people. Stick to behaviors, not personality. “Your presentation was a bit scattered” is way more helpful than, “You’re disorganized.” Give feedback as soon as possible. Fresh examples just hit harder than stuff from months ago. Make sure the setting feels safe and private. No one wants an audience for tough conversations. Forward-looking questions help people process and move forward: “What could you try differently next time?” or “How might we handle this in the future?” End with clear next steps and let them know you’re there to support them. People need to know what to do next—and that you actually care.

Mastering Both Sides of the Feedback Conversation

Mastering feedback is a two-way street. By focusing on giving constructive feedback as a gift for growth, embodying humility, and using actionable tips, we can transform our work relationships and boost performance. But the conversation doesn’t end there. Once we’ve honed our ability to deliver insights, the equally vital, and often more challenging skill lies in how we receive it. Join us in Part 2 of this series, where we’ll explore how to let your walls down to truly receive feedback as the gift it was intended to be.

Ready to deepen your feedback skills? Read The Human Side of Feedback (Part 2): When Your Walls Are Up – How to Receive Feedback and download our full guide, “ The Human Side of Feedback: How We Turn Tough Conversations into Real Growth“