In Part 1 of our series, “Giving Constructive Feedback That Connects (Not Just Corrects),” we explored how to deliver feedback effectively, recognizing how often we approach these conversations with our own walls up. But what about when we’re on the receiving end? Let’s be honest: our walls are often up even before the conversation begins, bracing for impact. Learning to consciously lower our own defenses is the most powerful step towards truly receiving feedback for growth.

The Importance of Knowing How to Receive Feedback

Taking feedback well is a skill, honestly. If we can shift from being defensive to being curious, we turn awkward moments into chances to grow. It’s not always easy, but with some presence, good listening, and a willingness to see criticism as information (not a personal attack), we get a lot more out of these exchanges.

Let The Walls Of Defensiveness Come Down

Let’s be real—most of us tense up when we hear criticism. Our bodies react before our brains even catch up. Noticing those physical cues—tight shoulders, clenched jaw, maybe a quickened heartbeat—can help us catch ourselves before we go full defense mode. This is a sign that we are taking feedback personally and have ended up in a place of fight-flight-freeze. Take three deep breaths before you respond. That tiny pause can make all the difference, giving us a few seconds to allow the processing part of our brain (instead of our reactive brain) to actually hear what’s being said. In this moment, you just want to understand the other person’s perspective. Swap out defensive replies like, “That’s not what I meant,” for something like, “Can you walk me through your perspective?” or “Can you tell me a little bit more about that?” It keeps the conversation open and shows we’re willing to learn.

Cultivate Curiosity Over Blame

Curiosity turns feedback from a fight into a conversation. If we get genuinely interested, we can uncover insights we’d otherwise miss. Ask questions that get to the heart of the feedback. Instead of thinking, “Why are they picking on me?” try, “Which behaviors stood out to you?” Treat feedback like data, not a verdict, it doesn’t mean it is true, it’s just a perspective. When we look at feedback from a place of curiosity, we are more open to taking feedback positively, which helps us to process it more constructively. The other person sees things we can’t, and their view—right or wrong—tells us something about our impact. Try to separate the message from the messenger. Even if the delivery is rough, or this is someone you have a hard time trusting, there’s often something useful in the content.

View Mistakes As Learning Opportunities

Mistakes, as painful as they can be, are packed with lessons. When feedback points out our missteps, that’s actually valuable info. Keep a simple log of recurring feedback themes. Over time, patterns will jump out and show us exactly where to focus. Change up the language we use with ourselves. Instead of, “I blew it,” maybe, “I found something to work on”. It shifts our mindset from shame to growth. Honestly, feedback that pinpoints where we can get better is worth celebrating. It might sting, but it gives us a map for improvement. If we’re open about our own mistakes and what we’ve learned, it encourages others to do the same. That kind of honesty makes feedback less scary for everyone.

Practice Mindful Presence

Staying present when someone’s giving us feedback is tough. Our minds want to jump ahead or defend the past. But mastering how to receive feedback starts with the ability to stay in the moment. Try grounding yourself—feel your feet on the floor, notice your breath. It’s simple, but it helps us stay in the moment. Don’t multitask during feedback. Shut your laptop, silence your phone, and actually listen. People notice when we give them our full attention. When our brain starts crafting the perfect comeback, gently bring it back to listening. It’s okay to ask for time to process before we reply. Notice your emotional reactions, but don’t let them steer the ship. It’s normal to feel embarrassed or frustrated—just don’t let those feelings take over.

Engage In Active Listening And Ask Clarifying Questions

Active listening is more than just hearing words—it’s about catching the meaning behind them. When we show we’re really trying to understand, it builds trust. Paraphrase what you hear to make sure we’re on the same page. “So you felt I interrupted too much in meetings, and that came off as disrespectful?” That kind of reflection keeps things clear. If the feedback is fuzzy, ask for examples. “Can you tell me about a time you noticed this?” The more concrete, the better.

Clarifying Questions:

• “What would success look like?” (Purpose: Defines desired outcomes)
• “How often does this occur?” (Purpose: Establishes frequency and priority)
• “What impact does this have?” (Purpose: Reveals consequences we might miss)

Ask for ideas, not just critiques. “Have you seen approaches that work well in this situation?” That moves the conversation toward solutions. Jot down notes during important feedback sessions. It shows we’re taking things seriously, and we’ll have something to look back on when it’s time to make changes.

Your Growth Journey Starts with Understanding How to Receive Feedback

Mastering how to receive feedback is a crucial step in our leadership evolution. By letting go of defensiveness, cultivating curiosity, viewing mistakes as learning opportunities, and practicing mindful presence, we transform challenging moments into profound growth. But why is this continuous feedback loop so absolutely critical for leadership and organizational success? Find out in the final part of our series, where we’ll explore the ultimate “why” behind mastering feedback.

Ready to deepen your feedback skills? Read The Human Side of Feedback (Part 3): Why Mastering Feedback Changes Everything (For You & Your Culture) and download our full guide, “ The Human Side of Feedback: How We Turn Tough Conversations into Real Growth“